Showing posts with label depression. Show all posts
Showing posts with label depression. Show all posts

Friday, November 29, 2013

Garth Brooks' Biggest Fan


      
On my TV right now, this very minute, is Garth Brooks.  Garth Brooks, Live from Las Vegas. Be still my heart! I love Garth Brooks.  I am his biggest fan, not because he is such an excellent singer-- even he says he is not that great a singer, but because he is so funny, he is such a showman, I like how he sings, and he just seems like such a nice guy.    
        My heart was broken when he was on Oprah one year, quite a while back, and I could not get tickets to go even though it was filmed right here in Amarillo.  Do you remember, in 1998, when some fool monied rancher here in the TX panhandle sued Oprah because she said -- on her TV show -- she would never eat a hamburger again and cattle prices fell the next day?? Obviously her fault. (picture big eyes rolling here) It was during a mad cow scare.  Oprah brought her crew here to Amarillo and filmed her show from Amarillo Little Theater for months during the trial.  That was back before Phil McGraw, PhD was "Dr. Phil."  He was here too, every day, guiding her through the trial.  At the time he had a company in Dallas called Courtroom Sciences, Inc, a trial sciences firm.  He is a big guy -- we saw him on the local news every night right next to Oprah, and we all thought he was a bodyguard.  By the way, she won.
     Anyway, back to Garth.  I didn't get to see Garth on Oprah, except on TV like the rest of the world.  It was his birthday.  Oprah had for a surprise for him -- she brought his Momma & Daddy out with a big birthday cake.  Oprah seems like a real nice person too.  However, one year, I DID get to go to a Garth Brooks concert ... the only concert I have ever in my life been able to attend.  Some times one is enough, if you get to go to the best one.  The year Garth Brooks came to Amarillo for a concert my daughter wanted to go.  I hadn't planned, even dreamed of being able to get tickets but my daughter, who seldom asked for anything, wanted to go.  I have no idea how I came up with the money but I did and me & the 4 kids had the time of our lives.  I remember standing in line f.o.r. e.v.e.r. with my daughter to get those tickets.  I remember going to the concert.  It was outside at a football stadium.  It was awesome. That was one of the best nights of my life -- me and my kids having a blast listening to Garth Brooks.  Life was good. No, life was great.
    I am enjoying this TV special so much.  If you are a Garth fan I hope you were able to see it too.  The only thing I don't like is how often he stops singing and lets the audience sing the words.  Well, at least we know he does not lip sync! :) 
     Tonight, sitting here watching Garth on this TV special I felt happier than I have in I don't know when.  I love his songs, I love his facial expressions, I love his fun, I love his sense of humor and he made me feel good. It reminded me of good times with my kids. It made me feel Happy with a capital H.  That, my friends, is no small thing.  I think this feeling is "the joy of life" my therapists and psychiatrists have told me for decades that I should feel (as I look at them like what the heck are you talking about).  Something even bottles and bottles of Cymbalta haven't been able to do for me.  I am grateful for this 2 hour special that brought me so much happiness. Some where I have some worn out CD's of Garth's.  I need to find those and play them all day long tomorrow and try to keep this feeling inside of me.
    P. S,  I also giggle at myself ---- me, this almost 60 year old, non-alcohol drinking, can't carry a tune in a bucket, Mormon grandma, belting out "I've Got Friends In Low Places Where The Whiskey Flows And The Beer Chases My Blues Away"  along with Garth on the TV.  Too funny! 
     And one more thing,  I am starting my bucket list.  It seems impossible but you never know.  The first thing I am putting on my bucket list is to have a front row seat  (okay, I will take any seat) to see Garth Brooks in Las Vegas.  Or anywhere else, for that matter. 

Sunday, October 13, 2013

Maybe It Is Just My Depression

Our Best Chocolate Birthday Cake RecipesI know someone who will be 104 next month.  I tried to find a birthday card for her.  Have you ever tried to find a card for someone that old? Her friends and family have all passed on except a daughter who has shut her out of her life. Most birthday cards say something like "may this be your happiest birthday yet", "and may you have many more" (well, we can't even pretend that will happen--many more birthdays), "enjoy your special day" (she most likely will have no visitors in the facility where she lives, it will just be another long day), "live it up"---I guess it was just me but each card I read made me more depressed.  Humorous cards would not be for her. The religious cards didn't seem to fit either.  I finally found one that would do but it just made me sad.
I won't be seeing much of my granddaughter soon. I am very sad.  I have taken care of my granddaughter while her parents worked for 2 & a half years, since she was 6 months old. She has been with me 4 days a week. Her little brother is due any day and I thought her mom was going to stay home with the kids after he comes but now they tell me she is going back to work in December. Physically and mentally I just am not up to taking care of a newborn and a 3 year old for 11 hours a day, 4 days a week. I just can't. I just can't, no matter how much I would like to keep them.  My son & daughter-in-law insist they can't cut back on the hours, that is just life.  I know the other grandparents seldom see my granddaughter and that is how it will be for me once my DIL goes back to work and the kids go to daycare. 
If I were a crayon today I would be a blue one.